hi all. its been a while, it is good to catch up. by the way, i often struggle with what exactly to share with you…insights into current studies, comments on current events, life experience, etc. with that in mind, i would love suggestions or requests…as in what are your thoughts on …?
i guess today, i am thinking of a hybrid. kind of a cross between current events and biblical insights that would help everyone of us be a bit more like jesus. here is what i mean.
i am sitting here listening to “the health care summit”. one of the absolute truths of communication is that communication necessitates that at least one person is listening. therefore, i am not sure there is any more communication at this summit than say on the “jerry springer show”. we all like to tell others what we think, but we are not so quick to listen to another point of view, and even worse, when we do appear to be listening, generally we are simply thinking of what we will say when the other person pauses. that is not listening. listening is an active exercise in trying to understand what the speaker is saying, feeling, thinking, what they have experienced, etc. the reason this is important is any response that is not based in understanding is gonna be off track and simply muddy up the conversation. so with that in mind, may i humbly make several suggestions, which when applied will help us become better listeners…and that in turn will revolutionize our communication. (i often refer to our society as a “talk show culture”, perhaps we can change that by becoming better listeners)
1. when conversing with another, pay attention, do not let your mind wander.
2. maintain an open mind even if what is being said is different than my point of view, by evaluating what is being said i demonstrate a willingness to learn.
3. do not stop listening when you hear something you don’t like or disagree with.
4. do not jump to conclusions, assuming you know what they are gonna say.
5. recognize the other person knows what they mean, better than you do.
6. do not use listening time to prepare your rebuttal. work at understanding what they are saying.
7. avoid defensiveness and/or excessive explaining of yourself.
8. avoid glib, hasty advice.
9. be slow to correct the speakers point of view.
10. avoid telling others how they should feel, think, or respond to a matter. (only do this when you are asked to do so)
11. do not interrupt, be a patient listener, let them speak.
12. learn to ask summarizing questions that reflect back to the speaker what you have heard.
13. refrain from using emotions to short circuit communication. crocodile tears, guilt, intimidating response’s, insincere apologies, an unwillingness to understand or accept another’s feelings all hinder the process of communication.
14. when another is speaking, use your entire being to listen…ears, eyes, mind, posture, etc…soak in the non-verbals.
hope this helps. blessings. vince
