Vince Deagler

hi folks.  you would expect to find god at every church service.  in some ways i suppose that does happen.  but if we are honest there are some gatherings that are kind of flat.  others may have connected with god, but we went away feeling as if that was an exercise in futility.  i don’t think this is a god problem…i think it is a human problem.  i know here at prescott everyone who has any part in worship planning and prep is an imperfect human subject to human error.  i equally know everyone who attends has that same flaw.  it may be a planning, delivery, or receiving problem, but sometimes it seems as if god wasn’t there.

but every now and then, god’s presence is so real, so powerful, so amazing that i wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  i can’t speak for everyone, but this past sunday was that kind of sunday.

now let me set the stage.  on monday, at 3:17am i got one of those dreaded phone calls.  see the previous blog entitled the dreaded 3 am phone call.  i spent several hours in the hospital with the family of a dearly beloved member of our church as she went to be with jesus.  she was one of my wife’s closest friends and it was painful.  thursday morning i flew to denver for t-net international board meetings.  was supposed to leave denver at 7:30 pm sat. evening, but had a 4 hour delay which meant i am headed to bed after 3 am sunday morning and will have only a few hours before i am to speak during our worship.  then at 7 am i get a phone call that tragedy has struck another family in our congregation.  on sat night a 2 year old was rushed to the hospital, was being transferred to santa clara, it did not look good, the family was gathering.  i tell you all of this so you can understand i came to this service with the sadness of death hanging over us, it might get even worse, and to top it off i was tired.

it wasn’t long before our worst fears were confirmed…rubi had died.  and we had some decisions to make.  this is where god was unmasked.  let me explain.

i suppose every pastor and worship team works differently.  if you promise not to tell my seminary professors who taught me differently i’ll let you in on how we do it.  we tend to work about 3-4 months in advance (not the year my professors insisted upon).  this past sunday we were in ecclesiastes 4:1-8.  that text for that date was decided over 3 months previously.  once a month we have a worship planning meeting where several of us gather to discuss the theme for each upcoming day, and grapple with how we can complement that message with specific songs, videos, dramas, poems, movie clips, true life stories, etc.  about 6 weeks earlier we had discussed this particular text.  2 weeks previously every component was finalized.  one in particular immediately jumped out at us this past sunday morning.  we were gonna use the song “held” with an accompanying video during the offertory.  i have inserted the lyrics:   

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We’re asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it’s unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
[Repeat Chorus]

this is a song describing the agony of losing a child at 2 mos of age.  rubi would be 2 yrs. in august.  this may be a bit too close to home…maybe we should pull the song, do something else.  here is what i think.  this text, these songs, that video were a part of our planning for months.  could god have known all along what would happen this painful saturday evening?  did he know that pain would be compounded because of the earlier death that week?  is that possible…is it probable?

is it possible god led us to this text, these songs, that video?  is it probable?  is it possible that god knowing what we would be dealing with specifically wanted all of these components in place?  that god had every intention to speak to us through these components?  that it was so important we hear that he made himself obvious?  there was no way he would be missed.  is that possible?  is it probable? 
my conclusion, yes…a resounding yes.  i don’t know if i have ever had such a mixture of tired/sad/and exhilaration at the same time.  god has something to say and he was going to deliver that message through these songs, that video, my message.  i think the great fear of we preachers is that we would be up there talking on our own.  we are supposed to be speaking for god.  never was that more obviously true for me than this past sunday.  i felt as if god was speaking to me and through me.

we are grappling with a lot of sadness and pain these days.  but god is doing something here…something unmistakable…i have a part in this story…so do you…and however the story is developed i know something.  it will be a beautiful story of redemption that one day makes perfect sense (even though that is not true right now), and it will be the happiest of happy endings.  i like you am along for the ride, there are many unanswered questions and a whole lot of uncertainty.  i hope we are near the end of this season of sorrow.  but in the midst of all this incredible sorrow and pain, god showed himself and i find that thrilling…in fact i can’t wait to see what he is gonna do.

thanks for reading, peace.